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BizHat.com > BizHat.com > Jokes > Answer Machine Jokes

Answering Machine Message - 21

As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality. You begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone... The telephone is next to an answering machine... You hear a faint click and a light flashes on the answering machine... You hear a beep...

Next Message

Please leave your name and number -- But first, a short algebra quiz: How much is 5Q + 5Q? (Pause while caller thinks: 10Q) You're welcome!

Next Message

Despite the best efforts of the telephone company, you really DID reach 555-1234. But that didn't help much, did it? You still have to talk to a machine.

Next Message

Hello. If you're calling with bad news, leave your message now. If it's good news, wait for the tone.

Next Message

Someone stole our phone. So if you leave a message we'll run over to a neighbor's house and use their phone to call you back.

Next Message

Hello, this is your local zoo. Do you like animals? We are experiencing severe problems with hot water. Would you be so kind as to allow us to bring our elephants over to your bathroom for a shower? (The most common response: "Well, sure, but my neighbor's bathroom is bigger and better equipped to handle elephants.")

Next Message

(Gameshow-announcer voice:) Hello, and welcome to Phone Tag! (Cheers in background.) If you'd like to join the game, please leave your name and number at the beep, and we'll try to reach you when you're not around. And thanks once again for playing Phone Tag!

Next Message

Congratulations! By correctly dialing 123-4567, you have become eligible to leave a message! (Applause.) Join the lucky few that have advanced to the next level! (Cheers.) And now, at the sound of the tone, leave your name, number, the time you called, and a brief message.

Next Message

Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm so depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here comes the beep, how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.

Next Message

You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.


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