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BizHat.com > BizHat.com > Jokes > Answer Machine Jokes

Answering Machine Message - 25

(Chekov's voice:) Oh Keptin! It was Khan! He made us do things... Say things we did not vant to say... But we vere strong, Keptin! Ve held out until ve heard the beep...

New Message

Computer generated voices:
 
1: Hello, there are no real people here to answer the phone right now.
 
2: Yeah, nobody but us machines!
 
1: Right, just us machines, but don't hang up! If you like, you can leave your name and telephone number...
 
2: ...and a message! You forgot about the message!
 
1: Right. Leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message after you hear the beep, and we will keep track of this stuff until the real people get back.
 
2: ...unless of course, sombody pulls out our plug!

New Message

I can't come to the phone now, so... Hey -- that's a nice phone you have there. Hey sugar, you call this number often? I bet you have answering machines bothering you all the time... Yes indeedy. Why don't you give me a call sometime and we can listen to some old recordings... I might even play my beep for you.

New Message

Bridge, Kirk here.

New Message

Starship Enterprise, Uhura here, can you hold please? -- Captain, there is a transmission coming in on hailing frequency seven, do you want it on screen?

New Message

(Star Trek theme in the background:)
 
(Voice 1:) Room 17, the final frontier.
 
(Voice 2:) These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. Its two semester mission: To seek out your name and your telephone number. 
(Voice 3:) To boldly inform you to wait for the tone.

New Message

Thank you for calling Starfleet Command. No starships are in the quadrant at this time, so at the sound of the subspace tone, tell us your name, the planet you are calling from, and how many Klingons are attacking.

New Message

(Bad imitations:)
 
Picard: Assume standard orbit, Mr. LaForge. Sensor readings, Lieutenant?
 
Worf: Scanning, Captain... Strange... No life-forms.
 
Picard: Recommendations, Mr. Data?
 
Data: Intriguing, Captain. Perhaps we should simply leave a message.

New Message

(Borg voice:) WE ARE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOUR PHONE CALL, AS IT HAS BEEN, IS NOW OVER. YOUR MESSAGE WILL BE ASSIMILATED AT THE BEEP. But we're not home right now. So leave a message and we'll assimilate you later.

New Message

Borg communications router. Unit addressed unavailable. Hails are irrelevant. Messages are irrelevant. You are irrelevant. Nonetheless, leave message if you wish. Wait for indicative, high frequency, acoustic spike... (Background:) Error, error! Wishes are irrelevant. Acoustic spikes are irrelevant.


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