Home Yellow Pages Movies Classifieds Jokes Jobs Free Hosting Videos
 
  Home
  Joke Forums
  Accounting Jokes
  Animal Jokes
  Answer Machine
  Bar Jokes
  Business Jokes
  Computer Jokes
  Crazy Jokes
  English Jokes
  Ethnic Jokes
  Farmer Jokes
  Fishing Jokes
  Food Jokes
  Gender Jokes
  Golf Jokes
  Heaven Jokes
  Holiday Jokes
  Idiot Jokes
  Indian Jokes
  Insult Jokes
  Lawyer Jokes
  Marriage Jokes
  Math Jokes
  Medical Jokes
  Military Jokes
  Music Jokes
  Office Jokes
  Parent Jokes
  Political Jokes
  Police Jokes
  Religion Jokes
  Redneck Jokes
  School Jokes
  Science Jokes
  Shopping Jokes
  Sick Jokes
  Sports Jokes
  State Jokes
  Travel Jokes
  True Stories

Subscribe
Joke Mail Newsletter




BizHat.com > BizHat.com > Jokes > Holiday Jokes

Rating Christmas parties

If you threw a party, the worst thing you could have done was throw the kind of party where your guests, the next day, call you up to say they had a nice time. Now you'll be expected to throw another great party next year.

What you should have done was throw the kind of party where your guests wake up several days from now and call their lawyers to find out if they've been indicted for anything. You want your guests to be so anxious to avoid a recurrence of your party that they immediately start planning parties of their own, a year in advance, just to prevent you from having another one.

So next time, make sure your party reaches the correct Festivity Level:

Festivity Level One:
Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling at hors d'oeuvres.

Festivity Level Two:
Your guests are talking loudly--sometimes to each other and sometimes to nobody at all, rearranging your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing "I Gotta Be Me" around the upright piano, gulping their drinks and wolfing down hors d'oeuvres.

Festivity Level Three:
Your guests are arguing violently with inanimate objects, singing "I Can't Get No Satisfaction," gulping other people's drinks, wolfing down Christmas-tree ornaments, and placing hors d'oeuvres in the upright piano to see what happens when the little hammers strike them.

(You want to keep your party somewhere around Level Three, unless you rent your home and own firearms, in which case you can go to Level Four.)

Festivity Level Four:
Your guests have hors d'oeuvres smeared all over their bodies, are performing a ritual dance around the burning Christmas tree, and have consumed all ten gallons of alcohol at the party. The piano is missing.

The best way to get to Level Four is eggnog. To make eggnog, you'll need rum, whiskey, wine, gin and, if they are in season, eggs. Combine all ingredients in a large, festive bowl. If you use enough alcohol you won't have to worry about them getting salmonella poisoning--their alcohol toxicity level will eliminate that possibility. Then induce your guests to drink this potent mixture.

If your party is successful, the police will knock on your door. If your party is very successful, the police will then lob tear gas through your living-room window. As host, your job is to make sure they don't arrest anybody. Or, if they're dead set on arresting someone, your job is to make sure it isn't you. The best way to do this is to show a lot of respect for their uniforms and assure them you're not doing anything illegal. Here's how to handle it:

Police: "Good evening. Are you the host?"

You: "No."

Police: "We've been getting complaints about this party."

You: "About the drugs?"

Police: "No."

You: "About the guns, then? Is somebody complaining about the guns?"

Police: "No, the noise."

You: "Oh, the noise. Well, that makes sense, because there are no guns or drugs here. (An enormous explosion is heard in the background.) Or fireworks. Who's complaining about the noise? The neighbors?"

Police: "No, the neighbors fled inland hours ago. Most of the recent complaints have come from several miles away. Do you think you could ask the host to quiet things down?"

You: "No problem. (At this point, a Volkswagen bug with primitive religious symbols drawn on the doors emerges from the living room and roars down the hall, past the police and out the front door onto the lawn, where it smashes into a tree. Eight guests tumble out onto the grass, moaning.) See? Things are starting to wind down."


BizHat.com   Bookmark   Astrology   Chat Room   Classifieds   Computer   Downloads   Directory   Dating   Domain Tools   Education   eCards   Finance   Forums   Freelance Work   Free Hosting   Free Mail   Gallery   Games   Guest Book   Greeting Cards   Ham Radio   Health   Home Business   Hosting Tutorials   Hosting Directory   India   Jobs   Jokes   Kerala   Matrimonial   Music   Movies   News   News Letter   Recipes   Real Estate   Search   SMS   Tourist Guide   Top 100 Sites   Vote Us   Yellow Pages   Arthunkal Church   Site Map  

Google
Terms of Service  Advertise with us  Privacy Policy  Contact us 
Copyright © 2003-2005 BizHat.com, Hosted by FlashWebHost.com