Home Yellow Pages Movies Classifieds Jokes Jobs Free Hosting Videos
 
  Home
  Joke Forums
  Accounting Jokes
  Animal Jokes
  Answer Machine
  Bar Jokes
  Business Jokes
  Computer Jokes
  Crazy Jokes
  English Jokes
  Ethnic Jokes
  Farmer Jokes
  Fishing Jokes
  Food Jokes
  Gender Jokes
  Golf Jokes
  Heaven Jokes
  Holiday Jokes
  Idiot Jokes
  Indian Jokes
  Insult Jokes
  Lawyer Jokes
  Marriage Jokes
  Math Jokes
  Medical Jokes
  Military Jokes
  Music Jokes
  Office Jokes
  Parent Jokes
  Political Jokes
  Police Jokes
  Religion Jokes
  Redneck Jokes
  School Jokes
  Science Jokes
  Shopping Jokes
  Sick Jokes
  Sports Jokes
  State Jokes
  Travel Jokes
  True Stories

Subscribe
Joke Mail Newsletter




BizHat.com > BizHat.com > Jokes > Holiday Jokes

Revised Christmas days

Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance

2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated

3) The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French

4) The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.

5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks, appear to be in order

6) The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one

7) The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement

8) As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching

9) Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps

10) Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year

11) Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line

Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.

Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is pending.

Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.


BizHat.com   Bookmark   Astrology   Chat Room   Classifieds   Computer   Downloads   Directory   Dating   Domain Tools   Education   eCards   Finance   Forums   Freelance Work   Free Hosting   Free Mail   Gallery   Games   Guest Book   Greeting Cards   Ham Radio   Health   Home Business   Hosting Tutorials   Hosting Directory   India   Jobs   Jokes   Kerala   Matrimonial   Music   Movies   News   News Letter   Recipes   Real Estate   Search   SMS   Tourist Guide   Top 100 Sites   Vote Us   Yellow Pages   Arthunkal Church   Site Map  

Google
Terms of Service  Advertise with us  Privacy Policy  Contact us 
Copyright © 2003-2005 BizHat.com, Hosted by FlashWebHost.com