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BizHat.com > BizHat.com > Jokes > Office Jokes

Corporate lingo list

Hereís a little clarification of corporate lingo.

COMPETITIVE SALARY:

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:

We have no time to train you+-

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:

We donít pay enough to expect that youíll dress up-well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:

Youíll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:

Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY:

Anyone in the office can boss you around.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:

We have no quality control.

CAREER-MINDED:

Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

APPLY IN PERSON:

If youíre old, fat or ugly youíll be told the position has been filled.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:

Weíve filled the job, our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: Youíll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:

Youíre walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:

Youíll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:

Management communicates, you, figure out what they want and do.

IíM EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: Iíve used Microsoft Office.

IíM HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.

MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:

I hope you donít ask me about all the McJobs Iíve had.

I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:

I blame others for my mistakes.

IíM PERSONABLE:

I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co- workers.

IíM EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:

I carry a Day-Timer.

I AM ADAPTABLE:

Iíve changed jobs a lot.

I AM ON THE GO:

Iím never at my desk.


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