Question and answer

Q: What is the definition of an accountant?

A: Someone who solves a problem, you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.

Q: What does an accountant do for birth control?

A. He talks about his business.

Q: What is an extroverted accountant?

A: One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

Q: What is an insolvency practitioner?

A: Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

There are just three types of accountants:

Those who can count and those who can't.

Q: Why did the auditor cross the road?

A: Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

Q: How do you drive an accountant completely insane?

A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

Q: What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?

A: Depreciation.

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and an accountant?

A: The accountant knows he is boring.

Q: How was copper wire invented?

A: Two accountants were arguing over a penny.

Q: What's an auditor?

A: Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?

A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

Q: What's the definition of a good tax accountant?

A: Someone who has a loophole named after him.

Q: What's an extroverted accountant?

A: One who looks at your shoes while he's/she's talking to you instead of his/her own.

Accountants don't die, they just lose their balance.

Q: What's an accountant's idea of trashing his/her hotel room?

A: Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant?

A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's/she's retiring.

Q: What's an actuary?

A: An accountant without the sense of humor.

Q: Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries?

A: They find bookkeeping too exciting.

Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party?

A: Invite an accountant.

Q: What is GAAP (generally accepted accounting principles)?

A: The difference between accounting theory and practice.