Home Yellow Pages Movies Classifieds Jokes Jobs Free Hosting Videos
 
  Home
  Joke Forums
  Accounting Jokes
  Animal Jokes
  Answer Machine
  Bar Jokes
  Business Jokes
  Computer Jokes
  Crazy Jokes
  English Jokes
  Ethnic Jokes
  Farmer Jokes
  Fishing Jokes
  Food Jokes
  Gender Jokes
  Golf Jokes
  Heaven Jokes
  Holiday Jokes
  Idiot Jokes
  Indian Jokes
  Insult Jokes
  Lawyer Jokes
  Marriage Jokes
  Math Jokes
  Medical Jokes
  Military Jokes
  Music Jokes
  Office Jokes
  Parent Jokes
  Political Jokes
  Police Jokes
  Religion Jokes
  Redneck Jokes
  School Jokes
  Science Jokes
  Shopping Jokes
  Sick Jokes
  Sports Jokes
  State Jokes
  Travel Jokes
  True Stories

Subscribe
Joke Mail Newsletter




BizHat.com > BizHat.com > Jokes > Religion jokes

Microsoft gets church

MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic Church
By Hank Vorjes

VATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.

With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.

"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of people."

Through the MICROSOFT Network, the company's new on-line service, "we will make the sacraments available on-line for the first time" and revive the popular pre-Counter-Reformation practice of selling indulgences, said Gates. "You can get Communion, confess your sins, receive absolution -- even reduce your time in Purgatory -- all without leaving your home."

A new software application, MICROSOFT Church, will include a macro language which you can program to download heavenly graces automatically while you are away from your computer.

An estimated 17,000 people attended the announcement in St Peter's Square, watching on a 60-foot screen as comedian Don Novello -- in character as Father Guido Sarducci -- hosted the event, which was broadcast by satellite to 700 sites worldwide.

Pope John Paul II said little during the announcement. When Novello chided Gates, "Now I guess you get to wear one of these pointy hats," the crowd roared, but the pontiff's smile seemed strained.

The deal grants MICROSOFT exclusive electronic rights to the Bible and the Vatican's prized art collection, which includes works by such masters as Michelangelo and Da Vinci. But critics say MICROSOFT will face stiff challenges if it attempts to limit competitors' access to these key intellectual properties.

"The Jewish people invented the look and feel of the holy scriptures," said Rabbi David Gottschalk of Philadelphia. "You take the parting of the Red Sea -- we had that thousands of years before the Catholics came on the scene."

But others argue that the Catholic and Jewish faiths both draw on a common Abrahamic heritage. "The Catholic Church has just been more successful in marketing it to a larger audience," notes Notre Dame theologian Father Kenneth Madigan. Over the last 2,000 years, the Catholic Church's market share has increased dramatically, while Judaism, which was the first to offer many of the concepts now touted by Christianity, lags behind.

Historically, the Church has a reputation as an aggressive competitor, leading crusades to pressure people to upgrade to Catholicism, and entering into exclusive licensing arrangements in various kingdoms whereby all subjects were instilled with Catholicism, whether or not they planned to use it. Today Christianity is available from several denominations, but the Catholic version is still the most widely used. The Church's mission is to reach "the four corners of the earth," echoing MICROSOFT's vision of "a computer on every desktop and in every home".

Gates described MICROSOFT's long-term strategy to develop a scalable religious architecture that will support all religions through emulation. A single core religion will be offered with a choice of interfaces according to the religion desired -- "One religion, a couple of different implementations," said Gates.

The MICROSOFT move could spark a wave of mergers and acquisitions, according to Herb Peters, a spokesman for the U.S. Southern Baptist Conference, as other churches scramble to strengthen their position in the increasingly competitive religious market.


BizHat.com   Bookmark   Astrology   Chat Room   Classifieds   Computer   Downloads   Directory   Dating   Domain Tools   Education   eCards   Finance   Forums   Freelance Work   Free Hosting   Free Mail   Gallery   Games   Guest Book   Greeting Cards   Ham Radio   Health   Home Business   Hosting Tutorials   Hosting Directory   India   Jobs   Jokes   Kerala   Matrimonial   Music   Movies   News   News Letter   Recipes   Real Estate   Search   SMS   Tourist Guide   Top 100 Sites   Vote Us   Yellow Pages   Arthunkal Church   Site Map  

Google
Terms of Service � Advertise with us � Privacy Policy � Contact us 
Copyright © 2003-2005 BizHat.com, Hosted by FlashWebHost.com